Fat-skinny Me

Realizing how not young and how un-fit I'm getting into, I enquired about the price package at True Fitness last week. It was an impressive tour to the 4-storey gym indeed, all sorts of classes offered, equipments are adequate for hundreds and the plus item there was the 30m-4 ft deep-swimming pool.

The price was later discussed and it was unbelievably expensive and I gushed myself out with thousands of honest excuses. On top of that, I was given a one-week-free-trial to utilise their gym and classes fully, in order to win me back into signing up for a one-year membership.

I went for the first free trial yesterday, under the guidance of a personal trainer. Admin procedures take place at the initial stage, then the body check-ups - blood pressure and body fat measurements. My blood pressure is normal, surprisingly, I've always thought I have low blood pressure. The body fat measurement was so beyond my expectations. I am obese! I felt like throwing up the asam laksa I had a few hours ago just to prove I'm not in that obese category. Now I understand what it feels like to be fat. I swear, I shall not insult people who are on the plump side anymore. :)

Anyway, my personal trainer made me do the cross-trainer for 10 minutes at a speed of 100. OMG! I feel like dying at the 5th minute. It was so tiring. I was busy count-downing to the 10th minute whilst my personal trainer tried to dig my personal history. Talking to him during that strenuous exercise made me pant even more and I decided to ignore him at the 7th minute.

The rest was simply strenuous for me. My arms and legs felt chilly hot from those activities. Not mentioning the 25 push-ups at one go, man, that almost killed me!

Surprisingly, I woke up today with pain-less arms and legs. However, I will not torture myself at the gym today.Thursday, I shall go.
I know I should give my poor torso a break despite the paranoia of being fat.

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Period of Cleansings

I was diagnosed with skin cancer two years ago.

It started off with this doctor prescribing a herbal brown pill to me as I was having body heatiness. I woke up with swollen eyes and puffy cheeks the next day. I then drank cups and cups of water upon mummy's advice, to flush the toxins down.

My face started cracking and itching gradually, day by day. Ears were as pinkish red as baboon's ass. The unbearable itch made me scratch my face, causing bloody stains and marks. My skin during that period, was thin and ultra-sensitive, my whole face was in a complete mess, leaving only blood stains and shredded skin which were about to fall off.

I was busy dabbing my face with olive oil everyday as that was the only thing that soothes my skin for 5 minutes. Many were taken aback by my disgusting face, which has been drawn to a black and dark facial complexion and raw wounds all over.

Doctors too, were horrified as they had never had a case like such, and instead they diagnosed me with skin cancer, since anti-histamine did not help at all. I declined the consumption of steroids and continued sulking and suffering from the terrible itch and pain at home. It was a school holiday and I hid at home, made reasonable lies to friends who asked me out.

The best part of this cleansing was, my face got super itchy and painful at 3am every night. Sleepless nights of course, made me lethargic the next day and days of pain and itch passed by with me, being semi-conscious. The skin worsened when my neck had itches too and the extreme pain was of a standard to the pain (10 times) a man who accidentally cuts his skin when shaving his facial hair. I remembered joking to my worried mummy, I must have been a very hairy man in my past life.

My tragic drama was then rumoured to my relatives and my eldest auntie came to my help, dragging me to visit her Chinese doctor. As I stepped into the doctor's room, the doctor's first question to my parents were, is she/he a guy? I never blamed the doctor as I couldn't recognize myself too. Staring at my own reflection was more painful than anything I was experiencing.

He then whispered to us, an Indian spirit was behind me and he has followed me all the way from KL. The doctor reassured us, everything will be solved after he gave me the yellow paper "fu" and I was instructed to burn the paper and soak it in a hot cup of water, and drink it in one gulp. The doctor also gave me cleansing pills to flush the accumulated amount of toxins, gathered from my daily consumption of fried rice into continuous stool-excreting activities the next day.

My facial condition improved slightly on the first day after drinking the water. By the second day, the improvement rate shot up to 70% and I woke up for the last time that night at 3am, sleep-walked to my cupboard, put on my green jacket and chanted Kamimuki Sanji and Chorei. I awoke the next day, hugging my prayer book. From then on, I enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror.

A year later, I was diagnosed with Vitiligo, Michael Jackson's skin-type disease, which I totally ignored the burning cream the skin specialist gave me.

Few months later, I was diagnosed with fibroadenomas which requires minor surgical action, suggested by the gynae. I shall put that on hold since its benign. Anyway, who in the world loves to commit themselves towards the sin of blade?!
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So, conclusionnya, i am kinda speechless as in the cleansings I was granted. Anyhow, thank God that I'm still here. :)

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She-dog and her tempers

Jojo is giving us the headache these days.
1. She eats her warm shit and squishes the rest into powder form, leaving a messy pile on the floor.
2. She pees a huge puddle on the floor and in turn, we are running out of toilet paper.
3. She walks away when her food is ready-to-serve, eats a little after much persuasion, and leaves you thinking what is wrong with the food.
4. If she is not busy biting your toes, she must be somewhere else biting the toilet mat or her favourite table legs or even scraping paint off the wall.
5. This morning, she heaved a loud grunt and started crying just because I rushed to the toilet first thing in the morning without letting her out from her playpen. Ellyn saved her later.

After my personal observation these few weeks and whilst sharing this with ZQ, I kinda reflected on what she is up to now.

Despite being a canine, Jojo too, is playing politics.

The scenario is as such:-
After staying with us for 5 months, she now knows Ellyn is the mummy-loving-type, who gives in to her whims and fancies whilst I'm the evil stepmother who gives her stern looks and punishes her accordingly.

When I'm alone with Jojo, she's totally fine. She behaves, she doesn't cry when I lock her in her playpen and does not show me those attitudes. She's even a darling at times.I was even planning a night for the both of us during Earth Hour, star-gazing at the balcony.

When Ellyn and I are around, Jojo's mood swings swifted to a crazy, hyper one. Her hormones are turned upside down, she craves for every bit of attention, throwing tantrums whenever she likes, runs around the living room like a mad dog and so on.

Enough is enough, when I got the message from Ellyn today that Jojo actually played with her shit on her bed. If Ellyn is not taking actions, I will.

I swear I shall play with that little devil too, in this political battle. I can't wait to execute my strategies when I get home later.
Jojo, you'll see who wins. Heheheh.


Note: No worries. There's no need to call SPCA. Nobody's going to get hurt.

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