[Still] grasping the meaning

Brief update: Today, daddy's sms was the best ice-breaker when I was in the midst of completing that mountain-load of work. Grins.

Got an assignment months ago to jot down ten things I would like people to say about me during my funeral.

One word: Difficult.

I have been doing some thinking about it and I just realized I so really have to know myself in and out in order to know what others think of me as a person. To know oneself is to discover one's talent, passion, conscience and needs. Honestly speaking, I have yet to fulfill that.

On a serious note, I really got to get down in knowing myself, knowing that the final months of 2008 is hitting upon. Talking about myself, I felt that pinch of failure in me as I have been trying hard to remember the goal I set for myself on the 1st of Jan 2008. December is hitting upon me and it was kinda obvious I have yet to make efforts, let alone achieve that high and mighty goal. Sad, no?

I have been mulling over the things I do daily, thoughts that I have always pondered but kept to myself. There are alway things I take for granted subconsciously, doing things that I am not supposed to do, not doing things that I am supposed to do.

Why can't I be a lil more disciplined and attack this stubborn virus in me with all my might given the strength? The immune system in me is working just fine and yet I could not pull things straight. Why should I always doubt myself ? Does it always have to be some angel out there to pull me up and set things straight for me until I take the next step?
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Enough of the ramble. It is time to unfold my inner self before the alarm buzzes.

On another note, the lack of myself-knowledge hence contributes to my failure in completing this assignment once again. Tell me, is this seriously going to be forever?